Thursday, October 23, 2014

1 Year Has Passed.

1 year ago this Sunday my world changed completely. Here is the post when everything happened. 


1 year later and it still hurts. There is not one day that goes by that I do not think of Dax. It still hurts...just not as bad. I do not cry every day. I do not get upset as easily when someone mentions him or the situation. I am still healing. Every day is a process. I will never be over what happened nor am I ever going to forget. 

The hardest part is the last memory I have is Dax in a casket. I hate that I had to see him like that and that he had to go through so much at such a young age. I would give anything for him to be here today. 

I have had to answer things for his sister, questions she should have never had to ask. I have had to sit through court hearing after court hearing and stare at the child that did this, the child that caused so much anger and hate in me. It has taken time and is still is taking me time to try and forgive him. 

The big thing is I do not want Dax remember for being the boy who got shot. I want people to remember him for his energy, his fun and playfulness, his character and personality. Everyone loved him and loved being around him. He was a good kid.  He loved to test the limits and try to get away with as much as possible but he was an amazing child who was so so smart. 

He now has a family hurting and healing and missing him deeply. At night when I am outside I talk to him. Crazy..but I do. I feel like he is always with me and will always be. 

I love and miss my little weasel and we will be together again. 


5 comments:

  1. oh Bless your heart. I am so sorry for your loss. I can bet that you never thought you would get this far. In the sense that when my dad died I never thought it would get bright again. I never thought the crushing grief would get better and yet eventually it was a year out and looking back it's been a year and the memories arent as painful but can even bring you joy. At least that is how I felt. I am so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you today.

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  2. Lifting you and his family up today as the painful memories and emotions are brought to the surface. Loss is hard no matter the circumstances, but especially something as tragic as this! You've come a long way and will continue to heal, knowing you'll be with him again someday.

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  3. I will be thinking of you and sending lots of thoughts and prayers your way today! I can't imagine going through that type of loss, but I hope today you are able to share some happy memories and stories of Dax and remember some of the happy times together!

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  4. So, so sorry, Rachel. Keeping you and your sister and family in my thoughts today. Hugs.

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  5. I am so so sorry! I am keeping you in my prayers. I can't imagine the emotions you must feel! Sending hugs your way!

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