Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Friendships

Over the years I have learned what it means to have a true friend. Recently, I have learned even more which ones are true and which ones are not. I have one friend, lets call them Jane, that I was good friends with for a long time. We were best friends when I was in high school and stayed friends when I went to college. I was such good friends with this person that I was very good friends with the entire family as well. I spent holidays with them, stayed at their house more than my own.  When I moved away from the state, we stayed friends and I included this person in my wedding. We did grow apart but I thought we were still friends.

At some point it became me being the one putting everything into the friendship and Jane not putting anything into it. I got very tired of this. So tired to the point I went off on her and told her what I thought. I deleted her and her family from my life. Awhile back, either before my nephew died or after we reconnected. I try to be her friends. I make efforts. I try to talk and chat with her. I invite her to stuff but she never says yes. She used to get mad at me when I went to things with other friends but when I invite her she never would come with me. 

This person is having a big thing happen to them in about a month and a half. It seems I have been excluded from it. At first, it hurt. Now, I could care less. I was not invited. I was not asked to be in it nor was I invited to anything pre-activities. I was very hurt at first about all of this but now, I just don't care anymore. 

At what point do you just stop caring and move on? I believe I am at that point. I want to be her friend but that road goes both way. It takes 2 people to make a friendship work and I shouldn't have to put all the effort into it. 

7 comments:

  1. I have a friend like that. We weer BFF for forever, I was there with her thru thick and thin. She got married and made some new girl her MOH which I let go but every time I ask her to do something or hang up she gives excuses. Its not worth the effort.

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  2. I have a friend who is like that. I think that when it gets to where a friendshi is like a one sided job, then it is time to let go. It took me a long time to figure that out for my situation. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this.

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  3. I believe you're definitely at the point of letting go and moving on. It's hard and hurtful after having been so close for so long, but I truly believe that some people are only meant to be in your life for a specific period of time, and it seems like that time has passed. Especially if you aren't as hurt by the current happenings. :)

    Brianna
    xobriannaleigh.com

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  4. Sorry you are dealing with this. I had a friend who I realized was a "convenience friend", only there when she needed something and never the other way around. It hurts, it's never fun putting work into any kind of relationship and feeling disrespected. I now consider her an "acquaintance" and nothing more. WE haven't had a physical conversation in 2 years. I noticed she is like that with most everyone.

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  5. This so sucks. I have situations like this happen to me and I just tend to drop them for being a friend of convenience.

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  6. Like any relationship, it's a two-way street. If you feel you're putting more out there than your friend is in reciprocation, I think the next step is to have an honest, non-emotional, non-confrontational talk about where your friendship is headed. And if you aren't agreeing on that, then you drop the friendship, no harm no foul.

    I'm very anti the concept that you just walk away without that conversation, though. I have health problems that have lost me a lot of friends over the past 14 years, because I can't go be social and people feel personally hurt by that. I'd hate for this to be a similar situation, and frustration and hurt feelings communicating more between you two than an honest sit-down about it.

    Good luck!

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  7. I am going through something very similar right now with two of my very good (or so I thought) girlfriends. One was even my freaking maid of honor for my wedding! I don't know if me being married and them being single is what has distanced us or something else? It's very heartbreaking for me and makes me very sad, but it's also impossible to make it on their busy schedules that I see posted all over social media to talk to them about how I feel and what they're doing to me and my feelings... Girls, this is why I can't stand them, and a big reason why I don't have many close friends or I tend to befriend guys a lot easier.

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