With it being a New Year, I want to have a happy start and fresh start. I can't actually do that with what has happened to me. I have had a huge tragedy happen to me. My entire life has changed. People say "It wasn't your kid" Well no, but he was my nephew. He was still a part of me and my life.
Over the weekend, I had my niece and we talked about how cold it was gonna be. She asked me if it was going to be as cold as her brother was at his funeral. What do you say to that? How do you answer that question?
I have a hearing to go to coming up in a few months and I get to see what happens to the kid that did this. I have anger, hate, and disgust to that child. I can not even began to offer forgiveness. I know I should, but I can't. I do not know where to start. Where do you start with something like that? I want his family and him to understand the pain I feel, my family feels, his sister feels. At some point I hope to offer him forgiveness but at this point I am to angry and bitter to even start. I feel really lost at times and confused but I am getting through this and working through everything. I am okay. I am not good, better or even fine. I am okay.
2014 is going to be a okay year and I am going to make a GOOD year. I have to make it what I want it. No one else can do that for me. I have been through so much since October. No one can begin to understand the grief and pain I have been through. I pray no one ever goes through this.
My pain will never be gone, it will just get numb and I will get used to it. I will always remember him, I will cherish my memories and love him forever. Love your friends and family. That is all I can ask and say.