Last night, Chris and myself, went on a date night. We normally do not go on dates. We are that married couple that just sit at home and we are perfectly content watching tv and eating whatever I cook. We decided last night to go out to eat, go do a little shopping for a few things we needed and to just spend time together. It was one of the best nights we have had in a long time.
We went to dinner, had a few drinks, had a frozen yogurt. We have not really done much with each other since Dax has died and we have both been trying to figure things out as we go. Last night was the first time, in a very long time it felt like us again. I thought for a long time that it was not okay to be happy and to laugh. After last night, I realize it is okay to laugh, be happy and to live my life. I can not sit around and be miserable and think about all of the what if's in my life. I have to slowly move on.
Last night was a breath of fresh air. We ate dinner, had drinks, went to good ole Target, and just enjoyed each other. It was amazing knowing that I can do that and not feel guilty. For so long since October I have been scared to just enjoy life but knowing that I can, not being scared of feeling bad for being happy, is amazing.
I am in no way okay yet, nor am I ever going to be, but I am working on it. I am not going to sit around and be sad the rest of the my life. I am going to still grieve but I want to be happy. I still love and miss my nephew but I want to be happy again too.