Friday, December 9, 2016

PCOS/Baby

You know, for the past 3 years or so, my husband and I have tried to have a child. Unfortunately, I was diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). Now, to get this lovely diagnosis, it takes a good year, multiple doctor visits and a ton of lab work. The entire time while you are doing this you are going through an emotional roller coaster of am I pregnant or not?  So, I do not ovulate when I am supposed to and I have higher levels of hormones and a few other things that completely suck. I was put on metformin to try and regulate it and when that did not do the job I did 6 rounds of clomid. As of today, I still have no baby. My next step if I want to try the medical route, is IVF.  I can not afford IVF. It is pricey and I am not going to do that. I wish I could afford it but I can not. I was put back on birth control to help me have a regular period but that has made me the spawn of satan and given me super bitch syndrome lately. So..this brings you full circle.
 
Now, I am having normal periods again thanks to birth control. My buddy, my pal. My husband and I have decided to stop taking it and that we will leave it up to God and whatever else is in place at this point. If my periods decide to go MIA once again, which before they did. They would come once every few months for a day or so and run away again. If I get pregnant I do, if I don't, I don't.
 
You know, you spend your entire life trying to not get pregnant and not have something only to when you want it, you can not have it. I see people every day with children who do not appreciate them, take care of them and I would give anything for that. I know I could adopt, but here in the ole USA, that is super $$$$. I would have to go outside the US for that. I want a child of my own. I know that is selfish but I do. A few bloggers have went through what I am going through. They went through the stress of trying but now, they have their babies. I am stuck here with nothing. I get tired of hearing the just keep trying, stop stressing, your trying to hard, you need to try this, etc...etc..etc. No one knows how emotionally draining it can be to want a child and your body is like nope, I can't do this. This is the one thing I am supposed to be able to do and I can't. As a woman, I am supposed to be able to make a baby and I am unable to. I am defective. That is a big hit to my ego and my self esteem. It is so hard when everyone around me is having children and I am the only one not. I just do not know what to do sometimes.
 
I am hoping that at some point we are blessed with a child but I do not want to get my hopes up. All I can say is pray for us and hope that we will have good news one day.
 
 

Thursday, December 1, 2016

It's Beggining to Look Alot Like Christmas


You guys, I could not wait any longer to get my Christmas Tree up. I have been begging my husband for weeks to put the tree up and he always puts me off for as long as possible. I am a nut about the holidays and the sooner I get that bad boy up, the happier I am. This time, I used my niece as bribery to get the tree up over the weekend. How can you say no to your sweet, 12 year old niece right? It worked like magic and all of my Christmas decorations are now adoring my house. 

Now every chance I get, I want to turn the tree on. I have the tree on when I am getting ready for work in the mornings, even if its only for a few minutes, I have it on the minute I get home until I leave for the gym and until I go to the bed. I love, love, love my tree. 


The big part of the holidays for me is not the gifts or the money, it is the decorations, the feel of everything and spending time with family. I love the lights, the spirit and just the environment. I could sit in my living room watching sappy Hallmark Christmas movies with the tree on every evening and be completely content. These are things that make my heart fill with joy! 

I hope everyone else is starting to enjoy the Holiday season as much as I am!
 



Monday, November 28, 2016

Weekend Recap.

I just had 5 days off work. 5 glorious days off work. It was refreshing and amazing. There is nothing better than taking a few days off work, having an amazing Thanksgiving holiday thrown in the mix, spending time with family and enjoying the atmosphere and holiday spirit. I felt like it flew by but that is only because I had an amazing time and enjoyed every minute of it.
I ran the Turkey Trot 5k and was able to shave 10 minutes off my 5k time. My normal 5k time was usually 45 minutes. I was able to run it in 34 minutes and came in 25th place out of 70 people. I was 12th out of the women. I always wanted to run the Turkey Trot and I am so glad I did. I was able to push my self since losing weight and it was great. This was the first 5k I have ran in awhile that was not a OCR race.


We also had a fabulous Thanksgiving with family from WV. We spent all day with them. There is nothing better than spending time with family that you have not seen in while. For me, I have went through a lot over the years and lost a lot. Spending time with family matters more to me than anything else. We choose to not go shopping on Black Friday. We choose to spend it with each other and spend quality time with each other that we all needed. To me, that is what the holiday is about. Not spending a ton of money on stuff or blowing off the holiday to go stand in crowds to get the hottest new toy.

I hope more people spent time with their families instead of shopping. Years from now, the toys and tvs will not matter. Your family will.